I haven’t written a blog in months.
Allllllll my creative energies have gone into this little life inside of me. He has been a vacuum power of mental, emotional and physical energy.
I have produced very little in addition to growing this baby in the last 8 months. (I mean a couple of platinum records and a best selling novel but THAT’s it!)
For months, it was the sheer exhaustion and nausea of pregnancy that kept me less “productive” in other areas. My apologies to the ladies of the church who attended my Bible studies: I think you may have just heard John 3:16 “exegeted” for 20 minutes straight- I can’t remember. I have been walking in a semi-permanent mush-brain state. My kids no longer respond to their names being called because they realize I’ll probably have called the wrong one 3 times before I say the right name.
And then of course, just doing normal daily life. You know, eating, sleeping, walking… Forget laundry, cooking, grading papers. Some of that took a back burner (literally!)… This time pregnancy took over all those functions like an autopilot button outsmarts a hairy-eared American Airlines pilot snoozing in the cockpit for the 1,347th landing in JFK under an aspartame induced coma from too many Diet Cokes.
So by the third trimester when I found out I had gestational diabetes and insomnia and restless leg syndrom and throbbing varicose veins (do I sound like I’ve fallen apart?) I went with the autopilot button. I gave up trying to pretend this was a “normal” season. Its been a GROWTH season. Soooo, I simply have done my best to “give my best” to growing this little sweetie inside and taking care of the rest of me that has remained unaffected.
Like my nails.
Literally. Unaffected for the good or the bad. The one thing that should be affected positively in pregnancy (long, strong nails) yeah, my body missed that memo.
Ok, so I can just hear some of you nutrition gurus reading my blog and listing off in your head every supplement and juice and smoothie I SHOULD have been taking to avoid feeling like this… All I can say is:
Been there. Done that. And EACH PREGNANCY IS DIFFERENT SO LEAVE ME ALONE BEFORE I TELL MY MOMMY ON YOU!
Speaking of Mommy, my Mom’s been the greatest through this season of “growth.” She’s been through this six times like a pro and she still applaudes my amateur ways of dealing with symptoms and birth plans. I think she’s just relieved she keeps getting grandchildren out of this, and is focusing on the end result. Oh and my husband too. He’s picked up the slack. He’s encouraged me on those moody mommy days. And he’s helped with the laundry (desperate times call for desperate measures ;)..)
I’ve also been so blessed AS WELL by my super sister Susannah for all the emergency visits to my house with protein snacks (since I couldn’t get off the couch to get another spoonful of peanut butter) and for carting little kids to gymnastics while Mommy stayed home to throw up. I’m grateful for all the help throughout this season. This loooong season. Of growth. Of maturity (in some areas 😉 and of waiting…
Which is where I am now: near the END RESULT… But just WAITING.
I can’t wait to hold my little son. And I adore him already.
But….. The problem is: I’ve got to wait to see him! Just a few more hours or days but it’s still a waiting game.
I get my hair all washed, laundry caught up, toe nails painted (so they look good in the stirrups) and then NO SHOW. And I wait again.
Maybe you find yourself in a Waiting Game for something big. Something you’ve wanted for a long time. Something that has drained the energy out of you and almost caused you to lose hope that the end result was worth all the Growth Process.
Don’t give up! You may have to adjust your expectations for your “productivity” in other areas of life, you may have to humble yourself that you can’t do it all alone, and you may just have to endure another life-lesson in patience.. BUT I assure you the watermelon you carry under your shirt WILL be something beautiful. Just what you prayed for. Just what you wanted.
It just needs a little bit more time on the vine.